Things I've Done While Drunk

Photo by Bhavyesh Acharya on Unsplash



Things I've Done While Drunk

1. A home yoga class with a large bottle of gin next to me.

2. Arrived to a breakfast meeting with a VIP an hour early so that I could juice up and settle down before sitting with her. I made sure to tote a bottle of tincture into the meeting and note that it helped me with menstrual cramps. This was merely a cover in case she noticed any alcohol on my breath.

3. Danced in a way that left people telling the story for years.

4*. Vomitted voluminously in my own bed then continued to sleep in it because I was passed out.

5.  Had a fit of anger and pounded on my computer until it was mostly nonfunctional.

6*. Forgotten to drink anything but alcohol for so long that I required intraveneous fluids.

7*. Neglected to eat for so long that I was left with nutritional deficiencies that caused physical impairments like numbness and tingling, trouble with muscle coordination, diminished eyesight.

8*. Rode my bike. This is how I got to the liquor store.

9. Operated kitchen equipment in a way that left me with deep and bleeding cuts.

10. Pretended that I was sick to disguise being drunk or in withdrawal.

11. Fallen asleep in the daytime in the presence of others.

12. Left an irate message to an acquaintance in a public space that was so embarassing that I've avoided parties by our mutual friend ever since so I've no chance of running into them.

13*. Not been able to given an audible no when a person asked "permission to kiss" me while I was incapacitated on the floor. They would have done more if they could have figured out how to remove my jeans.

14*.  I suppose I must leave this last one blank because there is so much I cannot remember.

*Things that also could have killed me.


Things I've NEVER Done While Drunk

1. Drive

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